Hello my loves!
Sorry I haven't written for so long. The move happened (another one) and I've been pretty much hauling arse around the UK for the past ten days or so.
Well... not only that. I also spent a week doing summer school in London, which was all kinds of interesting, and I even managed to (shyly) check out what Boots stocked, not that I got too far. I replenished my moisturiser stocks with some Nivea (I'll do the review soon) and I also started a new cleanser (review also coming up soon.)
But what about my sugar-quitting journey, you may ask!
I think it's fair to say my venture out into the world has had some mixed results. I went through the last week of the "detox" largely unscathed (gastrointestinal discomfort was to be feared, I understood) and promptly went to a summer school where they served free biscuits with the tea. Admittedly, they were in packets of two and I figured it was alright, but I'm not fooling anyone, am I? I relapsed.
An ongoing theme with this journey is that everything seems to happen a week ahead for me, really. Is it because I'd already started weaning off before I fully committed to it? Or is it just because I'm very good at finding loopholes.
Small cookies wouldn't cause much trouble, right?
Is fruit-flavoured tea okay, once you get the green light to blueberries?
Does the 4 grams sugar per 100 gram serving rule apply to everything? Even cakes?
Of course, by finding loopholes in my diet, I'm only undervaluing my own effort, but the satisfaction in all my other small victories keeps me afloat. I managed to politely decline dessert. I went through the market looking for lunch without buying a nice big cookie too. I went through the supermarket and didn't get a nice wedge of cake to go with my sandwich or my salad.
And it's okay.
The soul-crushing desire to eat for the sake of not wasting food is weaning. Sure, it's not over yet, so I better not tempt fate with my victory laps, but I feel okay. I'm not going to give up on carrot cake and peacan twists yet - I'm too fond of them, truly - but I can see myself having them only occasionally, as a treat.
Silly lady, isn't sugar usually a treat?
Not for me, it wasn't. I needed to round off a meal with sugar. Needed. If there wasn't junk food in the house, I wouldn't be able to stay calm, and I would, more often than not, go to the supermarket for a chocolate bar or a bag of crisps. Not because I was hungry, not because I particularly needed these foods, but for my state of mind. And to have munchies to go with my Internet habit.
Looking back on what I've done, I'm a little shocked at what my habits were just a few months ago. Of course, I remember those times, and I don't think my eating was in any way distorted, but... It's not really my consumption that bothers me, it was my motivation.
And the fact that I'm able to make the distinction now beats all the stem ginger cookies guilt in the world.