jeudi 2 juillet 2015

A Catch-Up and an Apology

Hello everyone, how are you?

I really let this blog slide over the past year, and I actually feel bad. Not necessarily because I've tried so many awesome things and I've been depriving you (let's face it, there are plenty of blogs out there) but because I miss the community. Does that make sense?

There are several reasons why I pretty much disappeared from the beauty blogosphere (but I have been reading other people's blogs, I assure you. My make-up collection assures you.) I still love it - so much so I'm writing my Masters Thesis on blogs and youtube channels - but as for active participation, I've just been feeling very burnt out and tired. I'll try to be brief, but I make no guarantees.

1. Life has been BUSY

Whomever thinks that a Masters degree is just like the best parts of an undergraduate, STOP IT. Now. It's a lot of work, even more so because I went for an MRes rather than an MSc (one is more research-driven and self-motivated, the other is focused on teaching and seminars and discussing various topics. Guess which one I picked?) Then I also had a lot of stress getting funding for my PhD, and now that I got it, there is still more to go. So suddenly I had to majorly shake-up my life and routine, and my blog quickly fell by the wayside.

2. I didn't see the point

There are many, many, many beauty blogs out there, with great people doing reviews of awesome products. It just seemed like I didn't have anything to add, and my expertise in terms of make-up and beauty seemed very limited in comparison. It took a while, but I think now I have more things I can talk about, and I feel the itch to write, (as opposed to dutifully churning out blogposts because I thought that I should.) (Plus, that sort of attitude shows in blogposts.)

3. I got rejected

It feels like I've read every article on the Internet about getting over a broken heart, but in the end, it just made me feel pathetic because I wasn't getting over it. The worst part was that I lost a whole group of friends alongside the person I'd been crushing on, and a lack of people to make you laugh at yourself can be brutal for a girl's self-esteem.

4. Depression

The less said about that, the better.

5. My philosophy on beauty changed

Even though I still buy a lot of products (too many,) ever since venturing into more high-end make-up, I've discovered that sometimes there really are products worth the money, and sometimes there aren't, and when you find one that is worth it, you just want to use it forever and ever. And I really was raised by the maxime "waste not, want not," which basically means I want to use up all my stuff and not waste money on things I don't need/want. In the past year, I've found that I've been trying to cull my make up and skincare routines to the point where I'm only using a few key products, and I find that I gravitate towards them more and more.

The problem is that this makes for a fairly boring beauty blog. I don't know about you, but I was definitely staring to feel the pressure to check out ALL of the new exciting products, which was pretty exhausting.

6. The whole "healthy eating, healthy living" thing I was propagating doesn't work for me anymore

You know how you're in the new stages of a relationship and it's such an exciting journey and you want everyone to feel your joy, so you go a little overboard? Yep, that was me. At least that's how I felt.

Don't get me wrong, "quitting" sugar for a while has given me some good food habits, but it's also added to a lot of neurosis I had about my body, and it also made me very defensive about my eating with my friends and family. At one point, I discovered that in my attempts to be perfect and beating myself up over every little slip I'd ended up isolating myself, and making myself feel worse. I can't say I'm completely over it now, but at the very least, I'm aware of some of my more destructive patterns and I try to be kinder to myself.

The problem with that is that I made a huge deal about the whole quitting sugar thing on this blog, and I felt like I couldn't talk to you about it without making myself look like a huge hypocrite. (To say the least.) I'll write a more detailed post about this (if you like) but at this point, my main takeaway is this: You should never feel embarrassed to admit to being wrong, or change your mind about something. The best thing you can do is be yourself (and yes, I realize this sounds so hackneyed. It's true, though,) and hope that you attract like-minded people.

Anyway, those are my main hang-ups, and like I said, I can't say I'm 100% back to blogging yet, but I do feel like I have things to say now, and I hope that somebody bothers to read them.


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